You teach Speaking first, then Selling, then Listening.

You Teach it in a very Different Sequence than you Do it!

Presenting first, so nobody worries about what they’re going to say.

Selling second, so that once they are confident about what to say, they can shut up confidently and guide the process through skillful questioning.

Then Listening, because as long as people are worried about content or sequence or process, they can’t be silent, or…STILL. And being still is what makes the other guy feel safe, and confident. That’s where there’s enough empty space for him to safely think about what he wants to do.

So… Exactly Backwards isn’t it?

In Life, in Actual Practice, First you Listen.

Then you Ask Questions and reveal the Problems, Solutions and Next Steps…

Then, finally, you Present, offer Suggestions, Choices and finally Sum up and nudge for a Close.

Life: Exactly Backwards. Once you’ve learned how to do it, it’s over.

Applications

1. For You
Have you ever tried to go right from beginner to Black Belt in something? How’d that work out? We’ve all attempted something stupid — thinking we’d go right for the deep end — and experienced that “oops” feeling right out of a cartoon. “I wish I hadn’t done that…” So as you consider new things now in your adult life, take time to enjoy the process of being a beginner. Time to get familiar with the art, the teacher, the place, the process. There’s no rush. And the actual process of learning step by step is one of the great pleasures of life. So go find something new, and decide to give it a year — or ten. And enjoy being the newbie!

2. At Home
Our parenting styles seem to lean to the “More is Better 24/7!” approach. And when do those kids actually get to explore and discover on their own? Take your kids hiking. Go catch and cook some crabs. Fish! Discover nature, martial arts. Art! Music. Literature. Let them find something they love for itself. And then remember that your life isn’t over because you’re an adult. Study something! And find release!

3. At Work
Recognize that there are knowledgeable people out there who act as consultants, teachers, advisors — who don’t have an overwhelming need to sell you something. Such people are not that different than you — but they are more experienced. And they might surprise you if you set them a task to help you grow in your work, or to grow your group, department. Remember, the purpose of a business is not simply to make money or “move product,” but to serve the needs of customers. To lay a foundation of honorable exchange between people who can benefit from working together. Look around and see if your old friends have more to teach…

Teaching, Do-ing and Living: all benefit from due consideration of sequence…